New Strength

One lesson I’ve learned during my 1.5 years of motherhood so far is that I can do hard things. As moms, there are so many challenges and difficult things we are faced with - some of which I would have never imagined myself doing or being able to handle before becoming a mom. That’s the thing about parenthood; there is nothing that can prepare you for the experience. No matter how many people tell you their stories or warn you about different instances, you can never truly understand it all until you go through it yourself. 

There have been plenty of nights where I have thought “I can’t keep doing this.” But what do we as moms do? We wake up the next morning and do it all again, whether harder or easier than the day before. I think there is something innately in us, designed that way by God, to keep going no matter what. 

Probably the most difficult experience of my motherhood journey so far happened about a year ago. My then 6-month-old daughter got a cold and was having trouble breathing one night so we took her into the walk-in clinic. They sent us to the ER, and after a few hours when her oxygen levels were up enough, they sent us home. The next evening, the same thing happened but this time her levels weren’t improving so they admitted us to the hospital. We decided that I would stay the night with Nora while my husband went home since we lived 5 minutes from the hospital. That night, her oxygen levels dropped while she slept, as the doctors feared would happen, so they decided to put an oxygen cannula in her nose. I slept in the hospital bed, propped up with Nora on my chest. Throughout the night I tried nursing her back to sleep when she would wake up, as I had done her whole life, but noticed that she would just put her mouth open around the nipple and not actually latch because the oxygen was making it too uncomfortable to nurse. It was the saddest thing to watch; she wanted that comfort but couldn’t manage to fully get it no matter how much I tried to help her or move the tubes out of the way.

By the morning, I was exhausted, engorged, and starting to worry about Nora’s lack of eating. The nurses kept dismissing my concerns and I was feeling overwhelmed & alone when out of nowhere, God sent someone my way. Carrie, our lactation consultant and a fellow pastor’s wife, was working at the hospital that day. She saw Nora’s name in the system and texted me asking if I needed anything. She came to our rescue with a pump, snacks, and words of encouragement. I am getting emotional just thinking about that moment because she truly felt like a God-sent angel during that scary time. 

Long story short, they ended up needing to place an NG tube in Nora’s nose because she wouldn’t nurse or drink from a bottle. I have so much admiration for parents that have kids with medical challenges because watching nurses put the NG tube in and dealing with that for just one day was traumatizing. Thankfully, they were able to use my breastmilk to feed her, I pumped to keep my supply up, and they took the NG tube out after about 24 hours (once she was off oxygen and nursing again). Watching her nurse again for the first time that next day was the best feeling; relief for me and comfort for her (photo below 🥺). And then after one more night in the hospital without oxygen (three nights total), we were released to go home!  

I tell this story because times like these are ones that I look back on and realize that if I made it through that, I can do anything. God gave me strength then when I didn’t think I could keep going. When I was sitting in that hospital bed in the middle of the night with a sore neck, feeling more alone than ever, He was my comfort. He gives us new strength each day to face the challenges ahead and to keep going during the difficult days of raising littles.

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31) Put your trust in God and He will restore you and bring you new strength & joy each day!